swtbug

Do you think I will go back to OMAN? Well, I don't know things are not the way I want it to be so I dont see me going back home anytime soon or close am just dead and trapped. Daddy wont even dare to do as I please :(

Hey am back, maybe for good and maybe not but anyways I got a lot on my head that I want to bring it out.. Truth is am lost in my life to the case of DANGERNESS of being me! People have a hard time dealing with me and they push me to sign that says "Hey Am Sick!".

I know that each one of us has their ups and downs but lately its hard for me to stick around others. Am driftting away into my own cold world. And today I reached the thought that this is not working for me and maybe I should get back home to my oman but again that's another issue of misery!

U can never imagine how big changes have I puttin myself through, but then its not me who pushed myself to change its fate.

All I own now is just memories of sweet and painful paths I have been to. Am not happy at this moment though I am where I wanted to be in the past but for me I feel I have just reached late and nothing feels like my dream.

Ah people, what am I suppose to write about them! I should just write about me and am the person that you can abuse, mislead, use and I would not stand for me. Worset part I got no one to stand for me here, thats why I miss my home and my people. I miss them so much.

My beloved cousin left this earth into a new journey on 11th of May of 2005. I can't till date believe that she has gone, her death has opened my eyes into my true image and made me realize many things in life. Through her death am learning who am I, am understanding what life really is and my faith for God has grown up more!.

I can't believe she is gone, forever 21. She looked so asleep though she was bleeding but peaceful face she had. She slept and her head would turn to right all the time. They called me to help wash her body and asked me if I could handle the look of my sister bleeding and dead?

Before I answered, my mom said "No she can't" but then my mouth replied and said "Yes its okay am able!", what made me said that am able!? Was it cos the lady shout at me and said "Come on now, she needs you she can still see you!" Or was it cos her mother refused to wash her daughter dead body cos still she is shocked crying her spirit out!? Or was it cos always and forever Ibti considered me as a big sister, always asking me for advice!?

I don't know what was the reason that made me pull myself tougher and watch my cousin body bleeding and dead! DEAD! She was still bleeding, her blood in my hands. No I didn't cry, am not in a position to cry! I came to wash her blessed dead body, I came not to disappoint her.

My baby sister, oh my Allah!

I was happy to see how peaceful she was. Never mind the blood as long as her face is not hurt, she has died in a blessed way and that is all am asking for everyone I love. Die in a peaceful way!

I am hurt and I am sad, I cried 2day cos for a moment I forgot that Ibti was dead and I dialed her phone number and wondered why she off her phone. OH No, I said! She is gone, and I slowly put the phone back and ask myself to cool down, just cool down. I couldn't handle it, I can't believe I forgot her death and I cried!

My work mate said "Are you crying!" I wept my tears away and said "No am fine!" I won't to the other room and continued crying..

How stupid could I get!? Forgetting that Ibti is dead!?

Ibti, we will always forever love you and will pray for you and will counties to do good deeds for you and remember you; we can't pay back the wonderful memories you left us but we will promise you to keep you in our heart just the way we have always did.

I miss you my baby sister, I know I will see you again, in a better place, I will!