swtbug

Do you think I will go back to OMAN? Well, I don't know things are not the way I want it to be so I dont see me going back home anytime soon or close am just dead and trapped. Daddy wont even dare to do as I please :(

Hey am back, maybe for good and maybe not but anyways I got a lot on my head that I want to bring it out.. Truth is am lost in my life to the case of DANGERNESS of being me! People have a hard time dealing with me and they push me to sign that says "Hey Am Sick!".

I know that each one of us has their ups and downs but lately its hard for me to stick around others. Am driftting away into my own cold world. And today I reached the thought that this is not working for me and maybe I should get back home to my oman but again that's another issue of misery!

U can never imagine how big changes have I puttin myself through, but then its not me who pushed myself to change its fate.

All I own now is just memories of sweet and painful paths I have been to. Am not happy at this moment though I am where I wanted to be in the past but for me I feel I have just reached late and nothing feels like my dream.

Ah people, what am I suppose to write about them! I should just write about me and am the person that you can abuse, mislead, use and I would not stand for me. Worset part I got no one to stand for me here, thats why I miss my home and my people. I miss them so much.

Damn it! I don't have any computer at home and lately my workplace have taken the laptop from me due to some fucked up system! And my dad Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr he gave his laptop to his wife daughter No not his daughter! It's another men daugther!

Anyways that is the mean reason why I haven't blogged but what the hack, don't bother about that and let me fill my sarrow and hopes in here from the past four days!

On 14th I wen't to Abbas to do the prayer for daddy! I felt ridicals doing it infornt of people but I had to just to get my dad cured!.

On 15th I asked dad 2 give me any of his cars! He refused saying that he will use both of them! Yeah Right!

It's been ages since I ate well, I just have one meal a day and I drink lots of water YET I'm not shitting anymore and hardly do I pee ! On top of that I don't think am losing any weight and it's not that I dont wanna eat but I tottally don't feel like doing so!

I always wonder how does a person reduce his wieght if he is not eating and not excerising?! Is it by sweat or shitting or peeing! If you know share it with me *plz*

Geeees I hate working in here it drives me nuts! Every1 has a closed mind and I wish if god made them with a closed mouth too!

Man this whole problem am in really sucks, am suppose to go for studies in May and still dad didnt make up his mind yet !

But I have hopes in the prayer session I had and hid on 14th of april! I just had this weird dream 2day that kinda shows evil will fail.

I'll write about it soon enough for now gotta do something for the template !

Why do I always fight with every1 ? And why do I always say yes when it's NO I hear in me! Isn't this strange! My sister keeps on saying that I don't have an attitude not a strong one! I know what I have been through in my life made me the way I am now and I told her thats why am like this!.

But she looked me in the eye with this surprised look and said "What you have been through would make any1 strong and secure not weak like you are now!"

*Sighhhh* I don't know why am weak seriously, I need a total attitude makeover but I have tried for years and I can't!

I do trust myself though and I believe in me big time. But I can’t protect myself cos any tinny shit hurts me so bad.

That’s why I have a bad relationship with dad and mom; I can't forget their wrongs nor can raise their good deeds cos they haven’t got much into my account!

Am I evil, not really diary? I love mom and dad but I know mother loves me a bit and dad’s heart doesn’t beat for me no more!

I guess the world has bigger problems then mine; I can’t even enjoy reading the daily newspaper without reading those war and hunger issues!

Am way better then a lot of others out there and seriously am happy like this!